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.The floorboards were sticky with remnants of spun sugar that could never be scrubbed completely clean.He nearly snorted aloud at the obvious symbolism to a man who could never be washed clean of his dirty past.Some time passed in silence, and Rafe realized Jonah had fallen sleep.He listened to the other man’s slow breathing, felt the tickle of it on his arm.Soon enough he’d return to his wagon and Jonah to a bedroll on the ground like the rest of the roustabouts.Rafe couldn’t show favoritism in the tiny kingdom of the show.Jonah’s family members weren’t the only ones who felt it their duty to pummel sodomites.There were those in the carnival who might do the same if they knew what Rafe and Jonah were up to.It was imperative they keep their distance from each other and that Rafe hide his desire and excitement whenever he encountered Jonah in public.He stared at the dim light reflected in the mirrors and the tin metal plates hammered to the wall to supplement the flash and glitter of the House of Mirrors.Rafe felt an ache of nostalgia for this spot though he hadn’t left the wagon behind—yet.He wanted to sleep with Jonah beside him for the entire night.And he wanted to stay with the carnival, but his reign as its ruler must draw to a close, probably before the end of the season.Remnick, the Englishman garbed in Western getup, had been sent by the family’s solicitors to find Rafe and deliver a summons.A couple of weeks earlier, Remnick had finally caught up with Rafe, days after he’d first appeared and a town or two farther down the road.The man had come knocking at Rafe’s trailer, and there was no more sidestepping him.Without being asked, Remnick had taken a seat at Rafe’s table and gotten down to business at once.“I was sent to find you and tell you it’s time to go home and take up your duties.”“That’s all? You weren’t given an explanation for the sudden desire for my return?”Remnick had drawn on his smelly cigar and studied Rafe.In his clipped, educated tone he said, “I wasn’t told the reason, but I suppose it’s because your brother died.” He peered at Rafe.“Here now, you’ve gone pale.Didn’t you know?”“No.” Although he’d suspected such news—for why else would the family want him unless it was time for him to assume the family title?—Rafe had been rocked by the offhand manner with which Remnick delivered the news.“God no.Where the hell would I learn that? That sort of news wouldn’t show up in the papers here.” Time had shifted even as he’d babbled at Remnick.He hadn’t been able to hold back the words, “How? When?”“I heard he drowned after a long night of drinking.” The British cowboy had stood then, bowed, and said, “My condolences, Lord Darkwell.”Even now, lying in the dark next to Jonah, feeling the warmth of his sleeping body pressed against his arm, Rafe could recall the peculiar way everything had slowed during the moments after he’d learned of his brother’s death and how it had taken a moment to realize Remnick was referring to him by his new title.After telling him about Edward, Remnick hadn’t met his eyes but stared over Rafe’s shoulder to the door of the wagon.“No answer for me to carry back to my employer, my lord?”Rafe had struggled to think and breathe for a few heartbeats.Once he’d calmed, he’d understood there was no hurry.His brother wasn’t going to come back to life no matter how quickly he traveled, and his mother wouldn’t be anxious to see him even though the title was now his.The estate would survive lackluster management a few months longer until he was ready to return.“We break down for the season in early October.I’ll be back then,” he’d replied.“Nothing else?” Remnick’s shaggy white eyebrows rose.“Mr.North would want a specific date.And I’ll wager that he’d tell me the sooner you return home, the better.”Of course it had been Mr.North who’d initiated the search for Rafe.The family solicitor took his duties seriously.“Tell him I’ll telegraph his office in London when I know my travel plans.”Come autumn, he’d return to the scene of the crime.It was some consolation to recollect it wasn’t his crime.He’d fled like a coward—or a loyal brother who wouldn’t speak against his sibling; his memory of it depended on his mood.At the moment, as Rafe lay on the floor of the wagon remembering the meeting with Remnick, he felt less human than trapped animal.The coziness of the wagon now felt stifling, and as much as he wanted to keep lying and listening to the soft breathing of his lover, he knew he must push him away.Already he’d allowed Jonah to get too close to him—and himself to care too much for Jonah.No point in it.This had to end eventually.Rafe sighed and rose to his feet.The sexual interlude had drained his energy but not his overactive brain.He put on his clothes except for the bits that lay under Jonah.There would be some compensation to returning home, luxuries he’d almost forgotten.He tried to recall the pleasure of a comfortable armchair by a fire, but such things weren’t important to him, although he supposed it would be easier to indulge his appetite for other men.The sophisticated elite knew how to ignore the things they did not care to acknowledge.He wondered what Jonah would think of the genteel hypocrisy.The rest of this season of freedom in the United States, and then he would take up the responsibilities he’d never expected would be his [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]