[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
.“Then when I lost Mark, it got pretty bad.Dorothy wasn’t even two then.I mean, I was honestly happy, and then, just like that there’s a drunk driver who doesn’t even know Mark or me, and Mark is dead.We were okay financially, Mark had seen to that, but, you know,” Laura’s eyes were thoughtful, “after he died that way, nothing made any sense to me.”Laura shrugged.“So that’s when I started going to church again.It helped.I’m not sure exactly how, but it got me through that bad time, Vicki.It was like, well, there’s a special feeling when people gather together to worship God.It’s reassuring.Maybe you have your own doubts, but when there are other people with you, and you’re all believing there’s a powerful Someone who does care about each and every one of us…” Another shrug.“But, okay, even if I didn’t understand that feeling, it was there, and somehow it kept me going when I didn’t think I could.”Laura laughed lightly.“Sorry,” she said, “It’s hard to explain.Am I making any sense at all?”“Yes,” Vicki said.She understood that special feeling, had known it years ago.The brothers and sisters of the Holiness Union Church believed in God, in salvation through the Blood of His Only Begotten Son, in the surety of a heavenly home for the faithful and true believers, and the endless flaming punishment of Hell for sinners.The brothers and sisters of the Holiness Union Church believed in miracles, in the power of God to heal by casting out demons of the mind and heart and body.The brothers and sisters of the Holiness Union Church believed that women wearing make-up were guilty of the sin of vanity, that women in pants were guilty of far worse, that dancing was meant to tempt too weak flesh to greater sins, that alcohol drove God out of your mind and spirit, leaving an inviting vacuum to be filled by Satan, that movies and television glorified godless people doing godless things, that the sole godly reason for sex was to fulfill the commandment to be fruitful and multiply, and that the Devil walked the Earth, eager and alert to snatch your soul and cast it into the pit the moment your eyes were not on God and your heart was not filled with Jesus.The Millers—Brother Robert, Sister Lou Ann and their children, Victoria and her sister, Carol Grace, younger by three years—belonged to the Holiness Union Church.The girls learned to ignore the taunts of schoolmates.“Holy roller, bible banger, crazy, goofy, nutty, batty freaks.” The insults might wound, but God healed the wounds of the faithful.What harm could a poor lost sinner do to God’s children who walked in His path, knew Him as shield and comforter?Victoria and Carol Grace believed with a single-minded intensity which only the young can achieve.“He walks with me and He talks with me, and He tells me I am His own…” is what the sisters felt from moment to moment in their lives, but it was when they prayed with the congregation in the white frame Holiness Union Church that they were overwhelmed by the shining force of His wondrous love.There with the benches pushed against the walls to clear the floor for those seized by the Holy Ghost, convulsing in an ecstasy of the spirit, crying out the streams of mysterious God-inspired words, they knew and rejoiced in God’s might and His magnificence beyond magnificence.And when Brother Earl or Brother Talbot or their very own father Brother Robert, laid hands on the sick, commanding “In the name of the Lord!” that Satan’s imps, demons, and devils quit the body of God’s servant, the servant was cured, healed of the common cold, rheumatism, colitis, psoriasis, and they beheld a miracle.In church, when Victoria Miller thanked God for His grace, she often cried, sobbing at the splendor of His gift, freely given.She was saved and Carol Grace was saved, because their blessed parents were godly people who brought up their children in the ways of the Lord.That is what Victoria Miller believed.Victoria was 14 when her father died of a heart attack.She could have accepted that.Death was “The Lord calling his servant home.”However Brother Robert died late at night in the mobile home of a bleached blonde who had known many men.Brother Robert was naked and died in a naked woman’s bed.Victoria could not accept that.She could not accept her father’s burning in hell forever, could not accept his being a hypocrite, a liar, a fornicator, an adulterer.Mrs.Miller could not accept it, either.Within a year, she was mumbling to herself about blood sins and winged serpents and communists, and six months later, muttering prayers, she tried to burn down the house.She was committed to a mental institution; a year later, she died there.Victoria and Carol Grace were taken in by their father’s brother and his wife, Uncle Chester and Aunt Toni.It was Aunt Toni who began calling Victoria “Vicki” and kept calling her that until the time came when Victoria did feel like Vicki.Their aunt and uncle were not members of the Holiness Union Church or any church.Uncle Chester’s religious philosophy would coincidentally later become a beer advertisement: “What I believe is you only go around once in life.”Vicki decided that that was what she thought, too, and in those moments when she heard a tiny voice within her mind saying, “You’re cutting God out of your life,” when she felt something that was not exactly loneliness or emptiness within her but a particular type of longing hurt, she found ways to refocus her attention on the here and now.There were books she had never read, had not been allowed to read.There were television shows and motion pictures, and there were high school dances.She wore make-up and high heels.“Hon, you’re an attractive young lady with a cute shape to you,” Aunt Toni counseled, “and there’s not one thing sinful about dressing yourself up!” She giggled and gossiped and went out with boys to picnics and parties.The here and now, she learned, was quite all right.It wasn’t sinful; it was just the world as it was.The farther Vicki drifted away from her strict religious upbringing, the more Carol Grace embraced those early teachings.Vicki could not understand her sister.Carol Grace…well, you could not talk with Carol Grace.Carol Grace did not answer questions; she issued proclamations.She did not converse; she condemned or proselytized or both.Vicki Miller grew up, went off to college and dropped out in her third year to marry Warren Barringer, a graduate student who’d just been granted admission to the prestigious University of Iowa Writers’ Workshop.Carol Grace grew up and married Evan Kyle Dean, a minister, an evangelist, a faith healer who had gone on to no little renown.Carol Grace and Vicki had not spoken in ten years.Uncle Chester and Aunt Toni retired and bought a condo in Clearwater, Florida, where they meant to enjoy their golden years, but Aunt Toni was dead in six months, a brain aneurism, and Uncle Chester followed her with a fatal heart attack a mere two months after.So Vicki Barringer lived her life entwined with the lives of her husband and their child, lived her life in the here and now, occasionally taking note that God was no part of it.And sometimes late at night, so alone, when she had no choice but to be totally honest with herself, she admitted she missed…Him.“Really, you don’t have to feel obligated,” Laura Morgan was saying.“I just thought I’d ask if you’d like to come to church with me this Sunday.I’m not trying to convert you or anything.”She wasn’t tracking and hadn’t been for a while, Vicki realized; she had slipped away from the here and now, but she heard Laura’s invitation.“Yes,” Vicki said, “I would like that.”— | — | —EightMelissa? Melissa!How come you always bother me when I’m sleeping? It’s bedtime.I’m supposed to be asleep.You should be asleep, too, Lisette [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]